Bonsoir,
Here I am, I am not dead, even i did not write in this blog for a while. I guess I was doing better things this last 8 months.
Well, as usual, I started writing in my blog again because I do not feel good. I do not feel good because I have just realized that the image of love that I have, it does not exist. I have tried to be more flexible, I have tried to expect less from people, but I guess I have been stupid being a idealistic.
It is not that I do not like who I am, funny, stuborn, lovely, talk too much sometimes, pesimist...
Those qualities are mine, and I think I would never change totally, but of course there is no black or white, sometimes we behave as grey.
This last time, I did what I have never done, fell in love with someone who is not from my country, neither the country I am living and he was going to be here for 4 months. At the begining all was fun. I wanted to keep it like that.
But somehow, even if it was imposible to be a couple, I fell in love with this guy. With this, I became weak and I was always trying to control the situation. We had really good moments. And I will never forget that. Last week he put an end to the story, and I accepted, actually I wanted that also because I think we deserve both something much better.
But, even though it is the correct thing, it hurts. And now I go back in time, and I realize that again, I fell in the same behaviour. I fell crazily in love, where I became a scary guy who wanted to control the situation, take care of the guy and I would have left my career just to go with him to his home country.
Again I gave all my heart to someone who was not really prepare to be with me, because I think sometimes I am too much. My idea of love is so big that i get dissapointed with little stuff and behaviour I do not like. This last thing, has shown to me that I am not prepare for anyone, not yet, and maybe never, who knows.
I am so tired, and the pressure I put on me for loving and having someone has been so much that I lost myself again, and now I do not know where are my dreams, my thoughts, or my future. Do not get me wrong, the guy has been really good at the end, and I will always be glad for what we had.
I am talking about me,
And me, has given up with love for a long time.
Thanks bloggers,
Always yours, the lost boy
Here I am, I am not dead, even i did not write in this blog for a while. I guess I was doing better things this last 8 months.
Well, as usual, I started writing in my blog again because I do not feel good. I do not feel good because I have just realized that the image of love that I have, it does not exist. I have tried to be more flexible, I have tried to expect less from people, but I guess I have been stupid being a idealistic.
It is not that I do not like who I am, funny, stuborn, lovely, talk too much sometimes, pesimist...
Those qualities are mine, and I think I would never change totally, but of course there is no black or white, sometimes we behave as grey.
This last time, I did what I have never done, fell in love with someone who is not from my country, neither the country I am living and he was going to be here for 4 months. At the begining all was fun. I wanted to keep it like that.
But somehow, even if it was imposible to be a couple, I fell in love with this guy. With this, I became weak and I was always trying to control the situation. We had really good moments. And I will never forget that. Last week he put an end to the story, and I accepted, actually I wanted that also because I think we deserve both something much better.
But, even though it is the correct thing, it hurts. And now I go back in time, and I realize that again, I fell in the same behaviour. I fell crazily in love, where I became a scary guy who wanted to control the situation, take care of the guy and I would have left my career just to go with him to his home country.
Again I gave all my heart to someone who was not really prepare to be with me, because I think sometimes I am too much. My idea of love is so big that i get dissapointed with little stuff and behaviour I do not like. This last thing, has shown to me that I am not prepare for anyone, not yet, and maybe never, who knows.
I am so tired, and the pressure I put on me for loving and having someone has been so much that I lost myself again, and now I do not know where are my dreams, my thoughts, or my future. Do not get me wrong, the guy has been really good at the end, and I will always be glad for what we had.
I am talking about me,
And me, has given up with love for a long time.
Thanks bloggers,
Always yours, the lost boy
No hay comentarios:
Publicar un comentario